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Craig

[ website | hacking the soul ]
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[29 Apr 2005|09:23am]
[ mood | amused ]

There's a fun game we play on my bus to campus in the mornings. It's a variation on 'chicken.' The bus is so packed with so many people that you know are getting off on campus, that you try not to pull the 'stop' cord, because you just know that someone else will. The wager you make is that if nobody does pull the cord, you miss your stop.

I've seen an entire busload of people lose this game twice this week. It's kind of amusing to see people panic and pull the cord late and beg the bus driver to stop and start pacing up and down the aisle when they realize they're going to wind up on the wrong side of campus.

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[28 Jan 2005|01:04pm]
[ mood | angry ]

...I've just returned from dissipating the effects of a full blown anxiety attack.

Said attack was brought on by Person A innocently inviting me to Social Event, but only giving me about 1 hours notice. Bad timing, but Person A couldn't have known that I was really not in a mood to be around people. Person A, however, follows up with: "you need to tell Person B what you want for eating." Need? Now I feel cornered... like I'm expected to go... like I have to go.

Doing this will trigger a negative reaction in me every godsdammed time. I cannot feel trapped into doing something, and I have to have an escape route in case I feel a non-social moment coming on, and I need to be able to verbalize that to the invitee. No matter how much warning you give me on an invitation to a social event, the answer you receive will almost always be No or Maybe. If I feel trapped into something, I'll behave like a cornered animal.

I was immobilized. Physically shaking and shuddering. A million voices in my head having an verbal tug-of-war that was sure to tear my sanity apart.

So I escaped. I walked furiously for an hour and a half with music pumping into my head. The Black Dragon that lives in me that eats all of the anger and negativity that I tuck away got loose and wreaked havoc in my head. And sure... I'm calmer now and all, but...

damn.

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[24 Dec 2004|07:15pm]
*gasp*

Dad's Christmas present to Mom was a winter home in Phoenix. They bought a house... I'll likely not see another snowy holiday season again until I have good reason to insist they come visit me. After I move somewhere it snows, of course.
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[24 Dec 2004|06:37pm]
[ mood | surprised ]

Thanks to some of the Haunukkah songs on Barenaked for the Holidays, I learned something new tonight. Apparently the major bloodlines in my family tree are German, Syrian, Irish, Scottish, and Jewish. German and Syrian I knew about. The Irish and Scottish I'd always strongly suspected. I'd never guessed that there was Jewish in the family line, but apparently my great grandmother provided that part of the bloodline. Neat!

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[24 Dec 2004|06:32pm]
[ mood | pleased ]

Ha. It used to be the grandparents buying Nintendo games for me, now it's the other way around. My parents and I bought them a Game Boy Advance and a game this year. (The classic Game Boy died on them earlier this year, apparently.)

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[24 Dec 2004|08:26am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Wtf is up with the showers in this state? Over the last couple of years I've experienced this, but always figured it was just common to the mobile homes mom and dad had been renting, but it appears that it's impossible for me to find a shower that I can stand under in the whole state of Arizona. Invariably I wind up hitting my head (hard) on the showerhead. I can't imagine how someone taller than I would manage.

</rant>

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[22 Dec 2004|04:41pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

omfgsugar*

I was in Best Buy today, and saw that Season 1 of 'Popular' is out on DVD...

/me squeals.

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Happy Yule! [21 Dec 2004|06:56pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Had a very nice evening with dinner and wine and a fire in the fireplace and exchanging gifts with friends last night. We did a little snacky-style dinner with bread and cheese and summer sausage and salad and cheddar-beer soup. And now the world is sweeping me off to Phoenix to see family and get away from Seattle for a bit.

...

Breezed through the ticket line and security line no problem, tried to do a little hacking and see if I could bypass paying for Wi-Fi at the terminal in Sea-Tac (to no avail), and thought that traveling this holiday would just be a breeze. Then boarding time came, and they seriously overbooked the flight. I waited patiently in line, shoulder to shoulder with various people, all who really really wanted to talk, for about an hour before actually getting near a plane.

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[21 Dec 2004|02:13pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Heh. As the plane escaped Seattle's haziness and kicked into the blue skies above, I looked down at the clouds below and my imagination kicked in:


Angels frolicking about, having a good time... soaring in and out of the clouds. One rears up and points at the earth below, puts his finger to one side of his nose, and fires off a snot rocket the size of a golf ball at human passersby below.


You can all thank rocza for that lovely mental image.
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fucking anxiety dreams [10 Dec 2004|03:06am]
...some kid catches up with me and tells me that there's an emergency i'm needed for ... my friends look at me annoyed, but go on without me. i go back to find out what's going on. the kid leads me to the truck we arrived in, which i'm just trying to grab my phone out of, but the brake isn't set well, and it rolls down the hill. i go to stop it and have one hell of a time doing so. then we drive it to the area where i'm supposed to be able to get to where i'm going (but can't) , and it's some family's house, which we go into, and i have to navigate the family, while trying to figure out how to get to the person who needs my help. i figure i should call my friends and let them know where i am, so i pull out the cell phone, and it's not mine, but someone else's, which i turn out to be completely unable to make work.

Huh. Stressed much? Feeling a little out of control? Yes, thank you for waking me at 3 AM to make sure I noticed, brain.
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[10 Dec 2004|12:38am]
Yay! My electro-journal-thingie can talk to other electro-journal-thingies due to this invisible thing called a network! (Translation: I have a reasonable level of internet access again.)
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[13 Oct 2004|01:02am]
Huh. I have phone again.

Number's the same. If you need to reach me - you know how.
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[23 Sep 2004|08:05am]
[ mood | amused ]

Seen in Seattle:




Adjacent parking lot spaces. It made me laugh.

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[16 Sep 2004|04:16pm]
[ mood | relieved ]

So yes, I must learn not to talk about things I want to happen before they actually happen. The warding off of a jinx in my previous post was all regarding my current rental situation.

Which is, to say, I'm moving for the first time in 4 years. I'll be moving from dinky (but cool!) apartment to big (but cool!) ol' house. I'm still in the same neighborhood, will still ride the same bus to work, etc. But now I have space to work with. Too much starting out, really. There's no way I will be able to fill the space.

The jinx... I met the guy in charge of renting the place on Saturday and took a look around, and immediately told him I was interested. An hour later I had the rental application back in his hands, and a couple hours after that he'd called me back and said the credit check went fine. We set up to meet on (I thought) Monday to sign the paperwork and stuff.

And then I gabbed to friends. Told them about the place, talked about how I was confident everything would go fine. Started thinking about what I'd use all the space for, stuff like that.

On Monday, I drove to his office in Lynnwood and was there early. And he never showed. I pouted, then swore, then went home. Tuesday evening there was a message on my phone: "Where are you? We had a meeting?" :(

I don't know which of us mixed up the days, but we acted as though it was my fault. Which is fine, because I've now got keys in hand, and have to start planning a move.

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[13 Sep 2004|06:37pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Jinxed jinxed jinxed jinxed. Jinxed jinxed jinxed jinxed.

It's not a done deal yet, so we will not speak of it.

I'mma go outside, turn myself around three times and spit. (or was it swear?)

Phew.

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[10 Aug 2004|09:15am]
[ mood | amused ]

Oooh, lets see if I can post lots of little thoughts today. Let's see if I kan speell, 2.

9:15am - In Craig's perfect world, ads are not "an annoyance you have to deal with in a free society."

9:22am - I'd so like to find a bar in Seattle with alot of current country music on the jukebox.

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[26 Jul 2004|11:01am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

The moon glows a dull orange color. All the world is blanketed in a greyish blur. A haze. Smoke. I can't smell the smoke, because I've been slowly acclimated to it all day long. There's not yet enough to irratate the eye. Along the road accross the lake tanker trucks and loggers hauling bulldozers have headed toward the source of the smoke over the course of the day.

Yeah. Something's burning.

And it's not us. We can't have a campfire because of how dry it is. Even still, sitting out alone after the parents have gone to bed and listening to music on my iPod, memories flood back of times spent around a campfire with friends...

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[26 Jul 2004|02:30am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

W00t. After a bunch of funny exercises, Magnesium, Calcium, and Naproxen Sodium, plus a little beer to numb what pain is left, I'm feeling almost normal. I know that I'll be stiff as a board after sleeping on it again, but I was actually able to swim this afternoon. Yay! I can actually put my pants and shoes on by myself again!

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[25 Jul 2004|03:31am]
[ mood | sore ]

Well, this is not shaping up to be the best vacation ever. I awoke Saturday morning and prepared to leave for the airport and somehow in the midst of that pulled a back muscle. I then proceeded to aggravate said muscle with an hour and a half bus ride, an hour and a half wait in line to get through security at Sea-Tac, an hour on a plane - turbulence and all, and then an hour drive from the airport to the hometown.

Security at Sea-Tac: I was to the airport an hour and a half early, which was barely enough time, it turns out. Apparently the checkpoint had been shut down for some amount of time before I got there, causing the line to back up through the two sets of zig-zags they make you go through when it's normally busy, all the way to the B concourse, back past the zig-zags, around the US West check-in counter, down the stairs, across the skybridge and almost into the parking garage. I barely made it to my gate in time for my flight.

Heh. Picked up in by my parents and we headed for home. Once we're well on the way Mom starts handing out the lunches and hands me a can of beer with mine. I stared at her, surprised. "We were out of soda," she said.

But now it's bloody hot out, and I'm not really sure if I can get in the lake or not, because I don't know if I can swim well enough with my back like this not to drown.

I should be able to overcome this. The back pain is merely being caused by my muscles tightening up and staying extremely tense in an attempt to protect my back (the spinal cord primarily, I assume.) I've been able to target specific muscles and get them to relax before, so why should these be any different?

I want to waterski. Crud.

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[26 Jun 2004|05:58pm]
The KMFDM show was good. Charlie Drown was actually a band we'd seen open for them last time, and I didn't realize it until they got on stage. They're alright - I really want to like them, but they've got a ways to go before I'd be able to call them good. Black:Japan was noisecore, and just didn't fit with the vibe. We ditched on them and went down to the underground to chill. KMFDM put on perhaps the best performance I've seen them do, though the absence of Pig was noticeable. That guy's just freaky, which adds such a cool vibe to the show. Anyway, I rocked out for about 2/3 of the show, at which point I seriously overheated. I'd had my eyes clawed at several times in the pit (there were some rowdy fuckers in there) which got sweat in them, so they stung and I was seeing stars. By the time I crawled out to the edge of the crowd I could taste nothing but salt when I licked my lips. I should've eaten better before the show, and had alot more water, and 1 less gin & tonic.

But a good night overall.
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